2/2/22 Welcome to my individual website where you can keep tabs on me + my crafts. There are 1.18 billion websites in the World. 17% of these websites are active, 83% are inactive. Define "follower" - I've never been anybodies. Noone has truly inspired me where I'm from. It's pretty sad because where are the inluencers? I'm going to be one of the first, I whole heartedly believe this because when people meet me in different places, I'm always complimented. I'll never get that where I come from. Everyone is prideful (I get it) but miserable? That's just weird, at this age for anyone to be. One thing about me, I've always been extremely different. I was bullied since I was a child and it never really changed until I decided to speak up, as an adult. This is a safe place for myself to express my artwork & self thoroughly, self expression is all anyone truly has in this world, after all. These corporate companies monitor things heavily now a days. I'm not into it. I miss Myspace anyways when things were prettier and more authentic. The early 2000's when everything was better. I know what I bring to the table. My question for anyone genuinley interested in me.. what can you do for me that I cannot do for myself? Why are you here? This website is going to be extremely uncensored and up to date. I journal a lot and don't plan to publish any of this until I am about a year or so ahead of everything I am putting into play for myself. Today is a manifestation date and I am taking full advantage of manifesting my dreams to share, with you all. I'm so humbled to have expereinced certain aspects in life because many people don't have the opportunity or strength to venture of/be alone to get to know themselves better, on a deeper level. It was never really a fear of mine to be alone. I have much bigger fear of opening up, to let people have insight on my life, the things I am truly passionate about. The way I think. It's sad because when I do find myself opening up to somebody I begin to trust, they mess it up by not being protective of my heart. I get insulted or gas lighted into thinking that I need to stay in some sort of box. They try to limit me. It reminds me of abusive relationships I used to be in. I don't like it. Others come around and don't ask the correct questions. "What are your dreams?" "Aspirations?" "Who do you want to be in life, what do you want to do?" It's always been rather dry and not mentally or emotionally stimulating. Don't get me wrong, I don't get around, I have so much respect for myself. That's something I've noticed a lot of men and woman lack. It's easy to blend in but I don't want that for myself. I know I stand out. There's a reason I am presently still here fighting for a better life. I'm inspiring. I'm beautiful. I'm honest. I'm loyal. I have a mouthpiece on me. I'm the entire package and I refuse for my potential to go to waste because of an imaginary box everyone wants to keep me in.
2/3/22
I have fans. If you listen or bring me up in a conversation, they tell on themselves. Most of the time, they’re disguised as haters. Most of the females in Cleveland, don’t realize this but they think I was the naive little girl in relationships. I’ve known who’s been hoing and trolling. It was so hurtful being a good woman in relationships with these individuals but it’s different now. I set truer standards for myself. I've never been somebody that was after clout. With all due respect: the definiton of clout is influence or power, especially in politics or business. That's something I've always had. I've always been beautiful. I remember when I was a kid and teenager people would attack the way I looked but now that I'm an adult. I'm realizing they were intimidated by me. My light. My love. My genuine soul. They never had that for themsselves. SELF LOVE. Anyways… being hated on is nothing new for me. I'm from Cleveland, Ohio. Born and raised up until the age of 19 when I got married and relocated to Washington state where I began to realize that I was suffering from major depression. Probably from my ex husband never being home as he was active duty military. Yes, I’m an ex army wife when I tell you I’ve been through it all, I truly have. I had no friends or family presently there when I was a stay at home house wife and I literally didn’t have the courage to go out and make friends. I’m very introverted. It has everything to do with comfort and nothing to do with being “scary” as small minded people would say. It has everything to do with me not being able to be my authentic self because throughout my life, there has always been somebody trying to put me down rather than lift me up. My love language isn’t money or any of the things any other female is after whole heartedly, my love language are words of affirmation. I love when someone genuinely compliments me. It’s the most respectful and loving thing you can do for myself, as a woman. Anyways, I ended up getting divorced from my ex husband but there’s no bad blood between us (love you B). Going through my separation was crazy for me… it was life changing. As I said prior, I’ve always been in these long term relationships. It was my first time venturing off and being single. On my own. Nobody worried about what I’m doing, where I’m going, who I’m with. It’s been like this for awhile now and I do enjoy it although it gets lonely a lot of the time.. even when I keep myself busy because I don’t genuinely open up and talk to anyone. I don’t believe in therapists because I feel that they don’t progress for you. They just open your mind and perscribe you medication. You have to be willing to do the work to pull yourself out of these moments of sadness, depression, etc. Therapy for me is journaling, sketching, creating. One thing about coming from a place like Cleveland? It taught me how to survive in the real world! How to navigate around lost souls. Away from abusive men and woman not elevating in different ways, for themselves. I've been through it ALL. Homelessness, abandonment, betrayal, cheating, lying, deceiving, embarrassment… but throughout all of that.. I remained true to myself and told myself to hold onto "hope" - hope was my savior. Crazy this emotion is the one and only thing I held onto for so long until it clicked one day in my head to face my fears, speak up, really put my dreams into play. I suffer from anxiety and it stemmed from my childhood, being bullied. Stepped on. I come from a cruel place and most people are followers where I'm from. I know I'm gossiped about. I mean, look at me, listen to the way I sound. I don’t stay in the bounds of what I’m used to because the last few years I took initiative of my own life. I decided to experience different places. Different things. I decided I wasn’t going to be broke or regular like the rest of the people where I’m from because if I’m being comletely honest, coming back after staying away for 5 years, no-one is as happy as they may seem. Everyone want's me for themselves but I'm divorced. I've been through my fair share of 'long term relationships' truthfully, I've always been a wife to somebody but being a good girl doesn't get you nowhere but embarrassed. Many females don't respect girl code and I'm at a place in my life, at age 25 (26 in June) where I don't have the time to waste on unnecessary energy, people, places, things. If you aren't genuinely coming into my life to put me on a pedestal to build and help me reach my deepest dreams, goals and aspirations.. I don't need you around. If I learned anything about myself these last few years of pouring all of this unconditonal love into myself, it's the fact that nobody else can define me. I define me. I'm special in all of my own ways. I'm finally taking all of my power back. I'm owning everything I have been through more importantly, for myself. My truth? The light I have in me? My beauty? Nobody can take this from me.